This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Amy Ma, who is in her 30s and from New Jersey. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
Getting laid off broke my heart.
In May 2023, I got called into a meeting with a HR representative who told me I was losing my data scientist job at the company where I’d worked since February 2022. I couldn’t stop myself from crying.
I was five months pregnant, so felt I couldn’t immediately get back into the job market.
When I started looking for jobs again a month after giving birth, joining a job-seekers’ group helped me feel supported until I landed a new role in April 2024, after around five months of searching. My group experience wasn’t completely smooth, but I don’t think I could have survived the job-hunting process without it.
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I joined an online job seekers’ group
After I was laid off, I spent time at home, trying to eat healthy and exercise for the sake of my baby. At the same time, I really wanted a new job. I wanted to be a working mom, not a full-time mom.
I gave birth in October 2023 and started to look for new jobs that November.
Around that time, I heard about a book called “Never Search Alone: The Job Seeker’s Playbook,” by Phyl Terry, an author and customer experience professional. It carries the message that searching for a job with a support group — or a “job search council” — can provide emotional help and stability. In my experience, people don’t tend to be open about job seeking, even though it’s a hard and tedious process.
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I’m a typical introvert, so at first, I didn’t want to expose myself to anyone, and I thought talking to people would slow me down.
At the same time, I’d been experiencing postpartum blues, and wondered if it would help to talk to others who were unemployed and might understand my position.
The book featured a link to a form to join a job search council. I signed up, and a volunteer added me to a group on Slack with four fellow job seekers.
Each group was assigned five tasks to do together based on chapters, and could set the pace for completing them. For example, we spoke in pairs about what we liked and disliked about a potential job, or discussed our critera for our ideal next job.
Talking in a small group setting helped me gain confidence
My experience of job-seeking groups wasn’t completely smooth. I left my the first group I was in, partly because I felt one person ruined the energy by complaining a lot.
Most of the people in the second group were project managers looking for different roles to me, but they were at a similar stage of life to me; most had kids.
We’d call on Friday mornings to discuss our progress on the tasks and our job search, like how many times HR departments ghosted us, or about interview experiences. We became closer and closer.
Once, I told them about an upsetting interview that I didn’t talk with my family about because I felt they wouldn’t understand, but the group members empathized with me.
Without the group, I don’t think I would have survived doing so many interviews. After I shared that the interviewers’ facial expressions made me second-guess myself, one group member suggested I put a cute photo under the camera on my screen. I put my daughter’s photo there, and seeing her helped me stay calm.
Another time, someone in the group mentioned that highlighting keywords in job descriptions to optimize their résumé for AI-powered applicant tracking systems helped them land more interviews. I didn’t realize that until they said it.
I landed a new job at a Fortune 100 company
I applied to dozens of jobs, and in April 2024, I was offered a senior software engineer role at a Fortune 100 company, whose company culture I was drawn to.
My group helped me decide between this role and other offers I received by discussing the pros and cons of each. Talking with them helped me realize I wanted to accept this offer. I started in May 2024.
My job search group helped me learn more about myself
Being part of a job search council was really helpful. Strangers give more objective feedback than friends or family, and can also point out things you’ve missed and help you unpack what you’re really looking for in a new job.
As we built relationships through the activities we did, I learned more about myself. The people in the group became less like strangers and more like teammates. We could support each other because we were all in the same boat.
If I were to switch industries or go through another layoff, I’d join another job search group. Layoffs can be really traumatic, and groups can be so helpful for talking through them.
You shouldn’t go through the trauma on your own.
