When I met my husband 17 years ago, he was a California native living in Texas. He told me early on in our relationship that he was hoping to move back home at some point. At the time, the thought of moving to a new place felt exciting.
Three years later we got married and I was transitioning from a career in marketing to freelance writing, which would allow me to work from anywhere. The idea of new adventures and a fresh start sounded incredibly appealing.
At the time, my optimism drowned out the practical considerations. I’m very connected to my family and leaving them was bittersweet. Once we settled in, reality hit. I was homesick and I found myself exploring a new city alone while my husband tried to make a good impression at work.
Then I got pregnant and things really changed.
The financial shock of one income
Raising a child in California is far from easy and it’s expensive.
The state ranks as one of the highest in the country when it comes to the annual cost of raising a child, while Texas sits below the national average, making it a place to comfortably raise a family.
As a single-income household with a toddler and another baby on the way, life became difficult. Add in California’s state income tax, which we didn’t have living in Texas, and our monthly budget was stretched thin.
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There were emotional tradeoffs, too
The financial strain wasn’t the only hardship. While I’m incredibly fortunate to have supportive in-laws nearby who are fantastic in every way, I missed my family back home in Texas deeply.
I had to accept the fact that my parents need to get on a plane to see their grandkids and that I won’t be able to raise my kids alongside my sisters’ families. Back in Texas, my sisters and I had standing Friday night dinners. In California, visits require flight itineraries and Google Calendar invites, making them events instead of everyday occurances. It all felt very, very different.
There were some upsides to the move
Despite the significant adjustments, we’ve embraced the benefits of California life. My kids enjoy exploring Muir Woods under towering redwoods, we get to celebrate Dia de los Muertos in San Francisco, and we can easily eat delicious tacos from food trucks one day and sushi the next.
Courtesy of Sandra Lee
I’ve noticed that the schools in California champion creativity and diversity, and my children are surrounded by classmates from all kinds of backgrounds, shaping them into curious, open-minded kids, which I appreciate.
I wonder about the other path
My children, born and raised in the Bay Area, don’t know what they’ve missed by not growing up in Texas, but they do say things from time to time that make me question our decision.
They ask why we don’t live closer to my family, why they need to get on a plane to see their cousins, and why our house isn’t bigger like the ones they see in Texas.
I explain the decisions that were made before they were born and why we made them and try to highlight all the wonderful experiences we have in sunny California. While my sisters can afford spacious houses, our life in California comes with a steep price tag, and a square footage that is much more modest.
Courtesy of Sandra Lee
For me, the jury is still out
Honestly, I can’t say for sure that I know we’ve made the best decision for us. Moving here gave us a different kind of wealth in the form of a strong bond with my in-laws, opportunities for my own career, and a life where my kids are growing up surrounded by diversity. But I also grieve the impossibility of buying a bigger house on a single income or the casual ease of my kids playing with their cousins on a Wednesday afternoon.
Texas will always be my home, but California is where I built my family. Every time the mortgage bill arrives or I see spacious houses in Texas for what seems like half the price of what we would pay here, I wonder what my life would have been like. But when I see my kids thrive here, I realize not everything of value can be measured in dollars, but by the life we are building together.
