When my mom was diagnosed with her third bout of cancer in 2018, she asked me to come work for her day care business. Knowing she would be undergoing treatments and needed the help, I quit my job to become a manager at one of her four centers.
We had previously discussed my future involvement in the company and eventual takeover as director, so while her diagnosis hastened this plan, I felt like I was making the right decision at the time. With this plan, I could help her out while also transitioning into a leadership role.
My mom died in June 2019, about seven months after I started working for the company. Losing her was the hardest thing I’ve experienced, and I continue to miss her every day. Looking back, I see that working at her business complicated my grief. It was hard to imagine my future, personally and professionally, without my mom.
I decided to step away from the business
Working at the day care was emotionally challenging after my mom died. Constant reminders of her, like staff who talked about her or incoming mail with her name on it, triggered my emotions nearly daily. Also challenging were the usual stressors of managing a large facility while navigating the dynamics with my mom’s business partner to create a seamless handover plan.
I had envisioned taking over with my mom’s mentorship, but now I was doing it without her. I was 28 at the time and didn’t know if I could commit long-term to this business, especially in the middle of my complex, overwhelming emotions.
Between my grief, overwhelm with the job, and uncertainty about future management, I made a tough decision to quit and step away from the business just over a year after my mom died.
I told my mom’s business partner and my dad — who was acting co-director at the time — about my decision. Without me stepping in, and because the other director did not want to manage the entire company herself, we ended up selling the company that my mom and her partner had built and run for 12 years.
I’ve often wondered if I made the right decision
I’ve thought about the day care a lot in the six years since my mom passed. She, with her business partner, built it from the ground up, and we were all proud of her for it. It was thriving and provided a good income. It also provided hundreds of families with a safe and joyful place for their children to grow and learn.
Courtesy of Alyssa Wiens
If I had continued, I would likely be working as a director there today, earning a higher salary than I do now and making a positive impact on the community.
Knowing this, I often wonder if I made the right decision. The same questions repeat in my head: Was I crazy to give up that opportunity? I could have had a meaningful job, I could have carried on Mom’s legacy. What would she think?
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I’m no longer living in regret
At times, I can get caught up in all of the “what if” questions and the feelings of regret over what could have been.
Through reflection, therapy, and time, I’ve realized those questions aren’t helpful. I thought about it carefully, considered my options, and made the best decision I could at that time. It’s all any of us can do.
In deciding to step away from that path, I’ve forged a new one instead. I’m now self-employed as a freelance writer, something I’ve never thought I’d do. My flexible schedule has allowed me to travel and prioritize things that are important to me.
I’m doing well and am hopeful about the future. Whenever those regrets or questions set in, I remind myself of this simple truth: My mom would be happy that I’m happy, and that’s enough.
