This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Jesse Tervooren, a 39-year-old former HR executive based in Vancouver, Washington. It’s been edited for length and clarity.
When I quit my $250,000 corporate HR job last year, I thought finding another job would be no big deal. I was out of touch with the reality of the job market.
I hadn’t applied to a job in a traditional way in over a decade because I’d always been recruited. Now that it’s rounding up on a year of unemployment, I wish I could go back and shake myself.
At the same time, my time away from work has finally allowed me to be a present mother and confront my strained relationship with money. I’m absolutely ready to go back to work, but I plan to make a few changes.
I knew it was time to leave when my values no longer aligned with the company’s
I identified early on in my career that I was good at work, and I let productivity and achievement become my identity. There were many times, throughout my decadelong career in HR, when I tried to take a step back and be less intense, but I think I had an addiction to the dopamine that came from stress.
When my daughter was born, my husband became her main caregiver, and I became the sole provider for our family. In 2023, I was promoted to director of people experience at a dental company. I loved the diversity of my job’s responsibilities, the salary, and my team, so I stayed for months.
The straw that broke the camel’s back came when I was in direct opposition with my boss about something that made me realize I wasn’t the right person for the job. I made a commitment to myself that I would never stay in a role where I was compromising my values.
I didn’t wake up that day thinking I was going to quit, but something about that day made me feel like I couldn’t take it anymore.
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After I quit, I took a break that backfired, but I don’t have any regrets
I had a little too much hubris, thinking it would be easy to find my next role, so I didn’t start applying to jobs until January of this year. I was very out of touch with reality.
As a healthcare recruiter, I saw an almost constant shortage of workers, so I thought it would be the same for the HR industry. From January to April, I applied for jobs, wrote personal cover letters, reached out to past coworkers, sent LinkedIn messages, and did everything I could to secure a new role, but it felt like all my applications went into the abyss. It was very humbling.
I don’t have any regrets and feel that everything worked out as it should, but I wish I had looked at the job market in my field and started applying sooner.
Quitting made me realize I hadn’t been a present mother
I used to think I was the most present mother I could be. I’d stop working at five and put on a smile to play with my daughter, but I was still mentally going through everything I had done that day. I was available, but I wasn’t present.
Since quitting my job, I’m finally able to give my 6-year-old daughter what she needs: me fully immersed in her world, playing, being silly, and not just physically being next to her. Kids are intuitive, and I feel like she’s noticed the difference.
I’ve learned to stop using money to deal with stress
When I was earning a $250,000 salary, I’d cope with a stressful day by ordering something from Amazon, buying myself a little treat, or doing a Target run. I’d justify it by saying, “It’s just a sweater from Target, it’s not a designer purse.”
I didn’t realize that I was using money to distract myself from stress. Now that I don’t have access to disposable funds, I’ve had to find other ways to deal with stress.
I’ve gotten into coloring, painting, and even doing my own nail art. I’m not overly artistic or talented in any of these things, but they’re cathartic and allow me the satisfaction of seeing something through to completion without pressure.
I’ve also built a community of friends over this time. I go walking some mornings with a neighbor who has kids in the same school as mine. It’s good for physical health, mental health, and connection. My time away helped me realize I’m so much more than how productive I am in a day and how much I can contribute to a company.
I’m ready to work again, but I have boundaries
Although it’s nice and relaxing to stay home and color, I miss working. I miss feeling productive, like I’ve accomplished something that is tangible and in the service of others. I also miss the daily social connection that I had at work.
I’m ready to work again and need to work again to provide for my family, but I guess I’ve become disenchanted with corporate America.
I don’t want to go back to an office, from 9-to-5, or have to send my daughter to day care instead of spending time with her. I’m not even seeking balance — just a job that won’t systematically conflict with motherhood, mental health, and life. I may be idealistic, but I’m no longer willing to sell my soul for work.
Do you have to story to share about how you’ve navigated long-term unemployment? If so, please reach out to this reporter at [email protected].
