Late last year, after working at a county government job for 13 years, I accepted a better position with another city.
The decision to leave had been simple; the old job had become stagnant, with few opportunities for professional growth. I had spent almost a year looking for something new, and I practically bulldozed the exit door when the offer finally came in.
Six months later, however, my new employer decided not to continue our working relationship. Their decision blindsided me, and I’ve spent the last year searching for a new career while questioning my decision to ever leave in the first place.
I was eager to grow in my career
Before I quit my first job, I focused on expanding my skill set so that I would be more attractive to employers in my field.
Even before I began searching for a new job, I had spent years attending leadership classes, taking on extra projects, mentoring new employees, and completing courses.
I was doing everything I could think of to excel in my chosen field of local government. But when I finally had the chance to grow in a role that was a better opportunity, the outcome was failure and expulsion.
I’m now struggling with what’s next
Since I couldn’t land another job within county government after being let go, I’ve had to look for jobs in other fields. Changing careers after my termination has not been easy. I live in Florida, where insurance sales and hospitality appear to be the two industries hiring the most these days.
After my termination, I experienced months of resentment, depression, anxiety, and an overwhelming sense of inferiority.
Even when I found a part time job that paid the bills, all the negative feelings came with me. I felt as shattered and useless as a broken mirror. I had gone out and done my best, and my best hadn’t been good enough.
As I’ve started to explore new career options, I began to wonder if I was experiencing a midlife crisis. I used to believe a midlife crisis was just the sense that you hadn’t accomplished everything you thought you should have by the time you hit your 40s, to which the appropriate response was a time of renewed and hectic efforts to accomplish something flashy or to acquire great wealth and material to show your neighbors that you were doing just fine.
I was prepared to meet that crisis, but not for professional failure and crushing disappointment in my mid-40s. So, the only conclusion I could come to was that this was my fault for daring to try something different.
I’m still trying to move forward
Even though I’m still feeling down, I’ve started reaching out to friends and contacts. I got more involved in volunteering within the community.
I’m now working part-time in a new field. I’m paying the bills on my small income and dipping into my retirement funds when needed.
I’m not sure I regret leaving my first gig, but it’s unfortunate how everything turned out, especially now I’m being forced to start over.
But I’m trying to reframe all of this as a positive thing.
Winston Churchill said that success was going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm. He also famously failed at multiple careers before becoming prime minister. I wonder if, at his lowest periods of life, Churchill ever had to drive by both of his old offices five times a week, and whether he ever felt regret that things hadn’t turned out how he’d wanted.
I think he probably did, but then he put his hat back on and got back to the job of living. It seems like a good idea when nothing else makes sense.
