I spent years climbing the corporate ladder. I believed success would bring me satisfaction.
Instead, I became so exhausted that I couldn’t enjoy family time, hobbies, or even quiet moments at home. I was always frustrated, crying, and snapping at the people around me.
One Saturday morning, I texted my boss to let her know I would be putting in my notice on Monday. The recovery took me over a year. Now, I know the signs of burnout and can recognize when I am pushing myself too hard.
I had 4 kids at home and a pilot husband
I have always been driven and great at pushing through challenges. In fact, employers recognized me for it. “Need something done? Give it to Magnoni.” I wore it as a badge. I had four kids at home, a husband who flew every week, and a full-time job in digital ad tech. Despite this, I managed a heavy workload and kept getting promoted.
My life revolved around work. I worked early mornings, evenings, and weekends. When I wasn’t working, I drove the kids to their lessons and practices. I also helped them with their homework while my husband was away on business. I was able to uphold this pace for over eight years.
After about six years in, I noticed I was starting to feel resentment. I was always tired. I was so tired that doctors diagnosed me with chronic fatigue. I took a weekend off and fell back into my old habits. I remember crying on the couch, saying I didn’t have time to feel drained. I sought help from books, doctors, and coaches.
Then came the reduction in force. As a leader, it was my role to prepare my directors and supervisors for the upcoming layoff. My department was also going through a restructuring that I was leading. The workload, meetings, preparing for layoffs, and exhaustion were at an all-time high.
Something shifted in me
Shortly after the reduction in force, one of my kids became ill, and I came crashing down. The emotions connected with caring for a sick 18-year-old were too much. My employer was amazing and offered the time and space that I needed. But I was afraid of losing the career and job I had worked so hard to get. This fear pushed me to work between doctor appointments and ER visits.
Eight months later, when their health was on the mend, I tried to dive back in at full speed at work. But something had shifted within me. For over eight months, I found ways to find gratitude every day. I practiced Yoga Nidra and found myself craving rest, peace, quiet, and space. I was not excited to work through challenges at work. I lacked the energy and focus to sit at my desk all day. I struggled with calls, reviewing plans, and completing my tasks.
Once again, more changes occurred: my role shifted, and they offered me a new one. I didn’t want a new role. I wanted out. But I thought I could push through again. I couldn’t. I cried every day.
I had been in this new role for about a month when I snapped at a coworker, hung up, and sat at my desk, crying. I knew something was really wrong. I struggled to function, to produce any work, or to contribute as I once did. Saying I was exhausted doesn’t fully capture how I felt.
I was in a fog, slowly walking to my home office every morning, dreadfully, barely eating. I wasn’t laughing, couldn’t care less about watching my favorite shows. I felt frustrated when my kids had events I had to attend. I wanted to sit alone on my couch. I wanted to run away.
I felt trapped at work
I was incredibly uncomfortable. I felt trapped. I had golden handcuffs. After a few conversations with my husband, I created a plan. The next day, Saturday, I texted my boss. I told her that after almost 8½ years, I’d be giving my notice on Monday.
I spent years overworking and ignoring the signs. I always put myself last. Then I burned out and couldn’t push through as I had before. No amount of paid time off was going to help me. I needed a complete reboot in how I was living.
Looking back, all the signs were there. Instead of making changes, I ignored them. The biggest sign was the loss of joy in things I once loved. Family dinners, favorite shows, and laughing about our day used to help me reset. I couldn’t relax anymore.
When you cry at your desk, snap at loved ones, or feel stuck in a job you once loved, your body is sending a vital message. I just had to look deeper.
