This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Christiane Schroeter, a 49-year-old professor of innovation and entrepreneurship and leadership strategist in San Luis Obispo, California. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
I moved from Limburg, Germany, to the US in 1999 as an exchange student for my M.S. degree before returning to Germany to complete additional graduate work. I returned to the US in 2001 as a Fulbright Scholar to pursue my Ph.D. at Purdue University.
After I earned my Ph.D. in 2005, I decided to build my career and my life in the US rather than return to Germany. I had met my husband during my graduate school years, and together we chose to put down roots on the West Coast.
I joined the faculty at Cal Poly in September 2007 and gave birth to my daughter in December of that year. I started a new job, pregnant, while moving across the country. Building a career and a family at the same time, far from my home country, shaped everything I came to understand about the real cost of relocating.
Today, I’m a leadership strategist, professor of innovation and entrepreneurship at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, author of several books about leadership, and a podcaster.
The new country feels last longer than you expect
I was 23 years old when I first moved to the US. I expected the obvious expenses, such as flights, paperwork, and the starter purchases you don’t think about until you need them.
What surprised me was how long the newness stayed expensive. Even when your income is objectively higher, fixed costs rise so quickly that it takes very little to feel financially stretched.
I spent hours learning basics I had taken for granted in Germany, like opening bank accounts, building credit from zero, and figuring out what to do when you’re asked for a Social Security number before you have one.
I also had to learn how rental contracts, deposits, phone plans, and transportation work in places where you need a car, including registration, insurance, and DMV requirements. Time becomes money fast when you’re studying, working, and trying to build a future at the same time.
In Germany, I knew how life worked. In the US, I had to rebuild that knowledge piece by piece.
Housing in California made me realize how quickly additional money gets absorbed
Many people underestimate how dramatically living in California can affect their budget.
For me, one of the highest unexpected monthly costs was the mortgage. Housing was not slightly more expensive. It became the financial anchor that shaped everything else. My husband and I had to make monthly decisions around that number.
Living in California was a genuine upgrade with bigger houses and bigger yards. California’s abundance of fresh produce, gorgeous weather, and proximity to the ocean fit my lifestyle better than Germany ever did. The cold, rainy days and a culture I never fully connected with were not the life I wanted.
I would honestly say I live in a “Goldilocks place.”
The cost of childcare changed how I thought about security
The hardest trade-off was realizing how expensive support can be when you live far from friends and family. After I delivered my first child, I faced the childcare scramble almost immediately. I remember touring childcare centers and wondering how families afford monthly costs for multiple children. I spoke with mothers who realized that their earnings would nearly match what they were paying for childcare.
At the same time, I was adjusting physically and emotionally to becoming a mother, and when you’re far from family, there’s no built-in safety net for the unpredictable moment, such as a sick day, a last-minute meeting, or an emergency.
I learned that many US families create a fragile patchwork of childcare and babysitting. If you have children, distance from family is not only emotional but also logistical. It can become one of your highest monthly costs, and one of your biggest mental loads.
On a lesser note, one bill shocked me: our cellphone bill. Our family plan with four phones, two watches, and two iPads is about $300. That may sound routine, but over a year, it feels like a luxury purchase hiding in plain sight.
Healthcare and benefits reshaped my definition of stability
Healthcare in the US introduced another layer of financial awareness. Even with insurance, you still have to pay premiums, deductibles, co-pays, navigate provider networks, and prepare for potential surprise costs.
I remember debating whether to schedule a specialist appointment because I wasn’t sure how much it would count toward our deductible. In Germany, that decision would have been straightforward. In the US, it required reviewing the provider network, estimating out-of-pocket costs, and preparing for an unexpected bill.
The upside is real, but so is the pressure
I built the life for which I came here. I built a stable academic career. I built a business. California became home.
In Germany, Sundays were true rest days. Life paused by design. In California, Sundays easily became catch-up days. I realized I had to intentionally create what I now call “Serenity Sunday.” It is my way of honoring the German philosophy of working to live while living in an American culture that often feels like living to work.
I don’t think I’d move back to Germany now. When I visit, I enjoy it more like a tourist looking in than a native who feels at home. For me, the cost of living in California is worth it, because what I’ve gained is hard to put on a spreadsheet: independence, a career I couldn’t have built anywhere else, and a family rooted in a place I chose.
The price is real, but so is the payoff.
