As an only child, an occasional weekend slumber party was the longest I’d had to share a bedroom or bathroom — or anything, really — until I was a freshman in college.
So last year, when my 62-year-old mom proposed putting her house on the market and us buying a place together, I was incredulous — I had no idea how that arrangement would work for us. Even though we’d had nearly 20 years of cohabitation experience while I was growing up, it was hard to picture us as natural roommates.
Needless to say, our decision to move in together was not without its challenges, but it was the smartest choice we’ve made for both of our futures.
Living together keeps things affordable for both of us
Kate Donati
Pooling our resources to buy this house and split the bills has proven to be a highly prudent financial decision for both of us. As a 28-year-old, I harbored no fantasies that I’d be able to afford even a small condo or townhouse on my own within the next 10 years.
Now that I share a 1,500-square-foot house with my mom, I pay less in monthly rent toward our mortgage than I did in my previous, 900-square-foot apartment.
My mom gets to pay a lot less, too, which affords us an even greater opportunity to tailor the house to our needs. She’s already added her work studio, and I’m designing a garden.
Even though it’s been an easier financial load, the day-to-day dynamics of living together are still sometimes challenging.
For instance, my mother believes there is exactly one space in the house appropriate for enjoying a meal. I think the dried pasta shell I recently dug out from between the cushions of my beloved sofa adequately illustrates my argument to the contrary.
Additionally, my mom still finds beauty in the austerity of a bare wall, where I see a blank canvas ripe for design.
When we do argue, it’s been relatively petty, and usually about the best way to handle the ongoing afternoon war games between her dog, our ancient family Shih Tzu named Aggi, and my cat, Gravel.
Luckily, to my mother’s credit, she knows she’s not living with the teenage version of me anymore, so she doesn’t try to impose a curfew or check if I’m keeping my room clean, thankfully.
The same is true of my dating life. My partner and I started seeing each other around the time my mother and I decided to move in together, and even though it’s required some negotiation, boundary-setting, and patience, it’s overall been great.
Plus, it’s helped bring my partner and me closer together and enabled us to develop a shared understanding of each other’s priorities, intentions, and future commitments.
It was a practical call that gave us peace of mind
Kate Donati
Don’t get me wrong, living independently for the past 10 years was a delight, if only for the pure satisfaction of knowing mine were the only grubby fingers rummaging around in the bag of shredded Mexican cheese.
However, I look forward to having children one day, and as someone who spent a lot of time with her grandmother growing up, I would love for my kids to have that same experience.
The daily interactions I had with my grandparents inspired my lifelong love of knitting, watching “The Golden Girls,” gardening, and gossiping, which are still among my favorite hobbies.
Living with my mother will offer my future children that kind of valuable exposure, not to mention the tremendous relief of having a live-in parental pressure valve.
My mom was also thinking about her future when we made this decision. At 62, the countdown to her retirement gets louder every year, and as a lifelong nomad, she’s been looking forward to resuming her world travels on a more full-time basis — with our house serving as her well-maintained, low-cost home base.
Additionally, as my mother’s only child, she and I have had several frank conversations about expectations and responsibilities as she ages.
Living together now offers us both greater peace of mind and will hopefully prevent us from being unpleasantly surprised if or when the day comes that she can no longer live independently.
Overall, I’ve actually been pleasantly surprised by how well my mom and I have been able to coexist under one roof and find a middle path by reminding ourselves of the reasons we bought the house.
And when that doesn’t work, we have ample opportunities for escape: a breezy front porch, our own distinct work spaces, and, critically, bedrooms on different floors.
