This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Jeremy Spiegel, a job seeker in his 40s who lives in Massachusetts. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
In my job search, I’ve been told so many times a version of “It’s not you, it’s us!” that I’m beginning to wonder if it is, in fact, me.
I’ve been without a full-time job for more than two years since losing my regional director of account services role at a publishing company. The lasting impact of my job search has been devastating to my ego and self-worth in ways I simply did not think could happen.
I believe I was excellent at my job. I was confident. Decisive. Passionate. I inspired other people. Those were things I could hang my hat on.
Today, I feel alone. I hesitate. I worry.
I avoid going out and socializing, something I used to very much enjoy. I fear someone will ask about my job search. Or someone new may ask the most innocuous question in the world: “What do you do for work?”
The only other time I lost my job was in 2009 during the Great Recession. I had less than five years of experience, and I found a new job quickly.
Now, I have more than 20 years of experience, and I’m still searching.
My job search has put a strain on my family
A year into my unemployment, a family member asked whether I thought I had offended anyone at the companies I was applying to. In his mind, that seemed the only explanation for my unemployment. I had to explain, as I have to others, that there isn’t just one reason why the job search is so challenging for many right now. It’s complicated and overwhelming.
I was very successful during the first half of my career. It’s because of that that my family hasn’t had to make any major financial decisions or drastically change our lifestyle.
We’re not in immediate danger of losing anything. But as with everything, that security is finite. My wife works, but her salary wouldn’t sustain us, so I still need to contribute significantly from our savings.
While we’ve been able to get by, we’ve still had to cut back on certain things. We used to be a two-car family. We’re now a one-car family. The trip to Disney World that my son keeps wanting, we keep having to put off.
That is probably the single hardest thing in the world to deal with: watching your child be disappointed and thinking you’re the one who’s disappointing them.
Though we’ve been fortunate financially compared with many people, my job search has strained my marriage in ways almost nothing else ever has. I worry about our dwindling savings, I fear looking at our bank accounts, and many nights, I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about how I have let my family down.
Jacob Zinkula writes about how workers in tech and other industries are navigating their careers. Share your story with him by filling out this form, emailing him, or reaching out via Signal at jzinkula.29. Follow his work by clicking here.
I’ve contemplated just about everything
I generally spend two to two and a half hours a day searching for jobs. I’ve been applying to everything from individual-contributor level account executive and solutions engineer roles up to more senior management or direction positions.
Most of my work previously has been in edtech and the public sector, but I’m trying to throw my hat in the ring at companies in other sectors where my experience is relevant. If I see a job where I meet most of the applicant requirements, even if I’m overqualified, I’ll apply.
I’ve even contemplated starting a business. But I keep applying to jobs, because, whether it fulfills me or not, I believe a traditional job is the most secure way to have employment and make a living in this world right now.
I’ve had several interviews, but haven’t managed to land a job. There have been a few opportunities where I felt like I was getting close, only for them not to work out. Unfortunately, something like that delivers nothing but an even longer résumé gap for people to question.
Read more about people who’ve found themselves at a corporate crossroads
I feel like I’m back to square one
There has been a silver lining to all this.
I’ve met extraordinary people, including many who have gone through — or are currently going through — the same thing as me. They’ve given me unexpected and badly needed friendship and support.
I’ve also learned that you have to give yourself some time off. You have to let yourself relax and be OK with not job searching every minute. Otherwise, you can get burned out.
As for my own search, through the late spring and early summer, I had some really good concrete opportunities. But through a Lemony Snicket series of unfortunate events, it did not go through.
So right now, I kind of feel like I’m back to square one. I’ve had a lot of résumés out and a couple of callbacks with recruiters, but nothing substantial. I think, unless you’ve dealt with this job market, everyone has this view of what searching for a job is like: Yeah, it stinks, but at worst it’ll be a couple of months.
That’s just not what this is.
Every morning, I get up, put one foot in front of the other, and repeat the motivating closing line from the 2000 movie “Boiler Room”:
“I gotta find a job.”
