I recently took a career demotion, but not because I lacked ambition. I made this choice because five of our kids were headed to college, and the math was impossible to ignore.
When my husband and I married, we blended a family of six children in a western suburb of Chicago. Five were in high school at the same time — two seniors, a junior, a sophomore, and a freshman. We were thrilled to have a big family. We were also staring at the possibility of five college tuition bills arriving almost at once.
We found a solution that seemed too good to be true
My husband and I both believed college had changed our lives. We wanted our children to have that same chance, but we also knew we could not simply write checks and hope for the best. We expected them to work, apply for aid, and have skin in the game. Still, we did not want them starting adulthood buried in debt.
Then I heard about a benefit that seemed too good to be true. Some colleges offer free or deeply discounted tuition to employees and their children. It was the first practical solution we had found.
At the time, my marketing career was still young. I had gone back to school after years at home raising kids and was trying to build momentum. My husband had already spent two decades building his career in the office supply industry, so if one of us was going to chase a college job for the tuition benefit, it made sense that it would be me.
I found a job that offered a tuition benefit, but it was a step back in my career
After months of searching, I was offered an entry-level, data-entry job at a small liberal arts college about eight miles from our house. The tuition benefit was fantastic — my kids would get free tuition if they attended the school where I worked or one on a list of small liberal arts colleges across the country — and it would start right away. The salary, though, was hard to swallow. Taking the job meant accepting a salary that would cut my pay in half and a title that felt like I was taking three steps backwards.
On paper, the decision made sense. One year of tuition for one child could cost more than the pay cut. Multiply that by five kids, and the financial logic was obvious. Emotionally, it was not that simple. I had worked hard to create a professional identity after years of being known mainly as someone’s mom. Now I was choosing lower pay, a lower title, and work that did not reflect where I wanted my career to go.
I told myself I was doing it for the kids, and I was. But that did not erase the sting. For years, I wondered whether I had given up too much. I thought about the salary I had walked away from, the career momentum I had slowed, and the ego I had to set aside every time I explained why I had taken the job.
Still, parenting often requires a kind of math no spreadsheet can capture. You add up income, debt, opportunity, pride, fear, and hope. Then you make the choice you believe will give your children more options, even if it costs you something no one else can see.
Courtesy of Melania Murphy
The decision to take a demotion changed our lives
In the end, the decision changed all of our futures. Over the years, the tuition benefit covered 17 years of college for our kids. I earned my master’s degree while working at the college, too. Eventually, I moved into an assistant director of marketing role, and one year, my total rewards statement showed my tuition benefit was worth 350% of my salary.
Our kids took different paths. One was not ready for college right after high school, but later returned to work on his degree. Two went on to earn master’s degrees. Two built careers outside the fields they studied, but their degrees still opened doors. Our youngest, who was not yet in grade school when we married, is now finishing her degree.
Parents make quiet sacrifices all the time. Some look dramatic from the outside, but many do not. Mine looked like a smaller paycheck, an entry-level title, and years of wondering whether I had set aside too much of myself.
But now looking back, I don’t regret it. When I eventually left the college, one of our sons said, “We had a good run. Thank you for all you’ve done for us.” That was when I understood the tradeoff differently. The demotion had not made my life smaller. It had helped make all of our futures bigger.
