I began writing about food almost a decade ago, and as a restaurant reviewer, I frequently get to eat at incredible restaurants. Food is a passion of mine, but after becoming a solo parent, it didn’t make sense to spend so many evenings away from my young daughter, Via.
I wondered — would it be possible to bring her into that world?
When Via was a baby, I struggled to eat out with her, even at casual, family-friendly restaurants. It was hard for me to focus on anything other than her and the effects of any noise or mess she made. But as she got older — and I became more confident as a parent — it began to feel more manageable.
We started practicing at home
Standard parenting advice on eating out with kids focuses more on “surviving” the meal than enjoying the process, but I wondered if there was a different way.
Toddlers often have a reputation for being “food critics,” so what would happen if I leaned into that role? I started at home, initiating “smorgasbord nights,” where we would make several new dishes, and my daughter was in charge of tasting each and determining which ones we should make again. She loved having that power and bravely began trying a variety of foods that most two-year-olds wouldn’t even touch.
Courtesy of the author
Then, to help my naturally curious daughter understand restaurants, I started to explain to her what was happening around us when we went out to eat. Before meals, I used a toddler prep book that explained some basics (the job of a host and a server and how ordering works). Then, at the restaurant, I would point out and describe more of what we were encountering. After we ordered, I made sure we kept out of the way while walking her around the restaurant. She’d watch, mesmerized, as the bartender mixed drinks in a cocktail shaker, peer into open kitchens as chefs barked orders, and giggle at the whimsical design elements that filled the restaurant.
She discovered new foods
Sometimes, of course, it was not quite so enchanting. If I noticed that she was feeling upset or overwhelmed, I would take her outside to try to find somewhere quiet to give her space to let her feelings — or her wiggles — out. It didn’t always go well. But, once the food arrived, we could usually get back on track.
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Via loved playing the food critic, and I encouraged her to share all of her opinions (quietly) on how the food looked, smelled, and tasted. “Yucky” wasn’t an acceptable review, but I’d ask her why she didn’t like a dish — was it too bitter? Too spicy? Or just new and unfamiliar?
With this approach, my daughter discovered countless new foods that she liked. I would try to hide the surprise on my face as she decided she loved mushrooms, radishes, or spinach (which, to be fair, she had mistaken for basil). But that didn’t mean it was easy. I am constantly aware of the tables around us to make sure we aren’t disrupting anyone’s dinner or the people working in the restaurant.
I bring stuff to keep her entertained, just in case
Even when a 2-year-old is a well-mannered foodie, they are still unpredictable. However, I’ve found we have the best luck when I make the reservation for a 5 p.m. early dinner before Via gets too tired — and while the restaurant ambiance is slightly more casual.
I feed her a snack before we leave for the restaurant, but I don’t bring any with me to ensure she’s hungry enough to try the food when it arrives. Since many of these restaurants have beautiful table settings, I play it safe by bringing a small suction placemat/plate for my daughter and a plastic bag to bring it home once it’s used. I also keep an emergency stash of no-mess, no-noise activities in my purse, like a small drawing pad or sticker book. Plus, of course, wipes for clean up and extra cash for tips.
No technique will guarantee you a flawless night at a fine dining restaurant with a toddler, but since food is my passion, it’s something we keep trying. Like families who love to ski and get their children in the snow early, I try to share what I love doing with my daughter.
At two and a half years old, Via can pronounce “sommelier” and has proudly tried (and liked!) oysters.
I’ve begun to realize that at home, I’m often distracted during meals: cooking, cleaning, and doing dishes. Going to nice restaurants with my little one used to be stressful, but now it’s time I cherish her.
