I’m a first-generation American who grew up in an immigrant household where finances were rarely discussed. I knew my mother and stepfather worked hard, sometimes with multiple jobs, but I was not aware of the specifics of their debt, savings, salaries, or how they managed their finances.
When I was 14, my parents found religion, and it changed the trajectory of our lives. When I told my parents I didn’t want to go to seminary and become a pastor, they kicked me out of their home when I was 17 years old.
At 18, I earned my commercial driver’s license and started making money with my first business. That’s when people started asking me for money, and the requests only intensified when I became a millionaire years later.
My circumstances changed when I started a business at 19
I was working as a delivery driver for a bakery when I got the opportunity to start my first business, which involved deliveries. That business made a lot of money quickly.
When my family and some friends saw how well the business was doing, they paid more attention to me. I thought those who’d been cold to me were coming around, but instead they asked for loans or for me to give them money outright.
In my 20s, I wasn’t in a position to give away money, as I had started a family and bills to pay. That changed further down the line.
My second business made even more money than the first
I eventually sold my delivery company and started an online business because I wanted to work from anywhere.
I’ve been building my online business since 2011, and it’s only grown.
In 2023, I achieved a new level of financial success by surpassing the $1 million mark in cash collected. I set a goal for myself and made my first million.
The requests only intensified, so I cut people out
My family, even those still living in Kenya, where my mom is from, and friends started to take notice of how well I was doing financially. I wasn’t broadcasting how much money I was making, but those close to me could see the signs, such as upgrading our living situation, getting a new car, and paying for meals.
Courtesy of Kimanzi Constable
The family initially requested money slowly, but the requests became more frequent, and some became increasingly demanding. My close friends at the time asked for money to borrow, and they expected me to pay for everything when we went out for men’s nights.
The requests for money came from everywhere, and even when I did decide to give family and friends some money, it was never seen as enough. I was often told I was being greedy.
I spent a long time feeling like my only value was to earn money to give to others.
Therapy helped me set healthy financial boundaries
It took me years of feeling obligated to help family and friends before I woke up. I felt blessed to have created some wealth and believed it was my duty to help those in my life who were still struggling, even when I knew I shouldn’t.
Therapy helped me see that my low self-worth and feelings of abandonment were why I let people take advantage of me. Therapy helped me see that I’m more than what I could do for people financially.
I had to cut off two of my best friends at the time because of issues with money. It hurt my soul to let go of friendships and cut off family, but I eventually understood it was the best decision for my mental health and financial future.
After lots of therapy, I’ve consistently turned down family members who have asked for money more times than I can count. I’ve set boundaries, and I’ll only give someone money when I feel comfortable about doing it.
I’ve let go of the feeling of obligation and remind myself of the lesson I learned long ago: I’m responsible for my financial future and need to be wise with my money.
Over the past 24 years, making a million dollars and building a successful business have taught me about the difference between genuine and superficial relationships. And that lesson has been priceless.
