Whenever I tell someone I live with my parents, there’s an immediate moment of palpable judgment. It then gets compounded by the fact that not only do I, a 28-year-old man, live with my parents, but so does my fiancée.
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Most people immediately look for a justification. It’s assumed I’m unemployed, broke, a caretaker for one of them, or generally just a bit weird. And I get it, in popular media, a grown man who lives at home is depicted as a failure and a burden on his disappointed parents.
In reality, multigenerational living in New York City is quite common and extremely financially responsible, not only for younger people like me, but also for aging adults like my parents. Beyond the money saved, I also just genuinely enjoy spending time around my family, and I cherish the relationship I have with them.
This apartment has been in the family for decades
I grew up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, in the same two-bedroom rent-controlled apartment I live in now.
My parents, who are in their 70s, are also both born and raised New Yorkers — my mom from the Bronx and my dad from Brooklyn.
In his late 20s, my dad moved to the Upper West Side with some friends, and while his roommates eventually moved away, he stayed and ended up raising a family in that same apartment. In the 50-plus years my dad has lived there, the rent has increased marginally, and as long as I live in the apartment, it will remain rent-controlled for another generation.
In 2020, I moved back in and now share the rent with my parents.
Without the significantly reduced rent this apartment afforded my family, we likely wouldn’t have been able to remain living in New York City, despite all of us being born and raised here.
My living situation has allowed my fiancée and me to significantly save
Four years ago, we pooled our savings with my childhood best friend and opened an art gallery on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, signing a 10-year commercial lease.
My parents aren’t rich, but they were smart with their money, and their responsible decisions have now granted me the opportunity to take risks.
Courtesy of Ciaran Short
I don’t have a trust fund, nor have my parents given me a dollar to “invest” in building my business, but having a very affordable apartment has removed a major burden in a very expensive city, giving me a safety blanket.
With the money that I would have been paying for an average residential apartment, I got my business off the ground.
I try to pay my parents back in different ways
While I have benefited from living at home, I do everything in my power to make sure my parents benefit, too. A great portion of my efforts goes into troubleshooting WiFi, navigating Gmail, downloading apps, and finding the “channel” for Netflix. But beyond serving as an in-house IT specialist, I also aim to give them some time back.
They spent years pouring into my life and cultivating my growth, so it feels only fair for me to do the same for them. Although I’ll never be able to truly repay them for the time commitment, the bratty behavior they endured, and the actual financial investments they made, I can try. Moving to another borough or a couple of stops away on the 1 train would feel counterintuitive to making a significant impact on their lives.
Instead, my fiancée and I cook every day, do the grocery shopping, clean the dishes, walk the dog, and handle a list of general household chores, freeing up my parents to spend more time doing whatever they want.
While I wish I was in a position to bankroll a lifestyle for my parents that would allow them to travel to exotic destinations, dine out at the nicest restaurants, and even afford a second country home, that’s not my current reality, so the next best thing I can do is to show up for them and demonstrate my love and appreciation through my time and care.
Admittedly, I do still get embarrassed telling people I live with my parents sometimes, but I also know that one day I won’t have the privilege to come home and hear their voices greeting me, so I try to focus on what I know is most important.
