“I miss him so much,” I sobbed into the phone. “I don’t know if I can do this.” I was surprised my sister could understand me through the tears, but she’d always been good at decoding my words — and what was behind them. I’d been away from home for less than 48 hours, and I missed my 12-year-old son so fiercely that I wasn’t sure I could handle the distance for three full weeks. Had I made the right decision in taking a dream job two states away?
I wanted to follow my dream
During my childhood, I spent much more time making up (and performing) musicals inside than playing kickball outside. I reimagined shows I loved and made my own mashups — Oklahoma Annie! played on selected evenings in my living room with an added Sunday matinee. It was no surprise to anyone that my love of theater continued, and I graduated from college with a BFA in Musical Theater. I was a professional actor way before my husband and son took center stage. (Theater pun free of charge.)
For years, performing took a backseat to parenting, but dream shows still tugged at my insides. I kept a short list of those I’d love to be involved in — especially as my son became more independent. So, with my husband and son’s encouragement, I started auditioning for productions within a five-hour radius of home. And, would you believe it, I was cast — for a dream role, in one of my dream musicals, playing a mom. Wow.
It was two states away, and I’d be gone for three weeks. I was excited, but nervous.
My husband and son supported my decision
“You need to do it,” my husband said. With his support, I relaxed a little but had no idea how my son would react. We’re a close family, and I’d only ever left him for a few days at most. Clearly, a conversation needed to happen, so after dinner and before homework, I told him the news.
My 12-year-old has grown up watching both his parents onstage. When he was 8, he proudly announced he was auditioning for his school show, and he’s been performing ever since. I think having that perspective allowed him to understand the significance of my offer because he said with a grown-up certainty, “You should definitely go, Mom.”
I hugged him close, and we talked about what the distance meant for our family. He never changed his mind even as doubts ran through mine, with questions like: Would I miss out on too much time? Would everyone be OK? Would he and my husband be able to find their socks? The confidence in my kid’s eyes held steady, so I said yes.
It was hard at first, but it was transformative
The first few days away were a struggle, and I called my sister from my car and burst into tears. “Give it a couple more days and see how you feel,” she counseled. And she was right. Over the next weeks, I reconnected with a part of myself I’d unintentionally shelved — independent from my role as a wife and mother.
When I became a parent, my hopes shifted to my son. I put aside my aspirations to fully encourage him. I was happy to do it, but I’d forgotten what it felt like to be the girl who sang songs in her living room for no one else but herself. Taking the space was a powerful reminder of who I am at my core—and that there’s still time to encourage her hopes, too. My dream show turned into a dream experience — made all the more remarkable by the most talented cast and crew.
Now that I’m back home in my usual role, I can see how my choice changed me, and those around me. The 21 days away became an opportunity for my family to learn new versions of support, and for my kiddo to step into a more grown-up phase of life. His proud smile at tackling more day-to-day adulting boosted his self-esteem in ways that don’t happen when I’m always around. It was kismet. Even with all the texts I got that read, “Have you seen my socks?”
