As the mother of five kids, four of whom were born in six years, I have spent all of my 17 years of parenting working from home in some capacity. And in those 17 years, I’ve been successful under the definition of a capitalist viewpoint.
The first year I hit a profit with my writing business was the same year I birthed my fourth child. I went viral, was interviewed by Good Morning America, and churned out work at a rate that left many people wondering how I did it all, considering my oldest child was only 6 and my husband worked several jobs.
I struggled to balance it all, but I remember thinking that that time in my life, full of babies, toddlers, and preschoolers, would be the hardest part of my life. I just had to make it through, and then I could coast.
I was so terribly wrong.
I get less done with teens and tweens in the house
Now that most of my kids are tweens and teens, I find myself in the weeds of parenting all over again, but this time I’m somehow even more exhausted, confused, and overwhelmed. Instead of dealing with potty training and tantrums, I’m dealing with teen drivers, volatile emotions, and big life decisions.
I feel frustrated and guilty, like I’m doing something wrong for somehow being less productive as the mother of older kids.
I think part of it is that when they were small, there was a routine that let me get some work done. There were daily nap times I could count on, movies I could turn on, or playdates I could schedule. But with teens, I am never off the clock. I’m always a text away, and with a teen driver, I feel like I can’t not be available 24/7.
Also, older kids take up more space, are louder, and have more intense needs than I anticipated. Every day feels like a circus show of juggling, and I’m kind of holding my breath and hoping I’ll have enough breathing room to manage any work.
While a cartoon and snuggles could suffice with a toddler, teenagers require 50 memes, a thoughtful conversation, and probably Chick-fil-A to connect. I feel a pressure to be emotionally available in a way I didn’t when they were younger, and that makes it hard to switch back and forth to work mode when working from home.
I want to embrace it all
I don’t want to be resentful of being “interrupted,” and of course, I want to be there for my kids and hear all the details and be available for their lives. I want to be that person for them, and I’m all too aware how fast and fleeting it all is, and I could lose one of them next year to college.
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You know the guilt heaped on moms of young kids about how fast it all goes, so you better soak it in? Well, as a mom of teens, that guilt is magnified by about a million because this is exactly the time they were talking about — we’re living the slow slippage of our kids out of our lives daily.
I want to embrace it, soak it in, and be here for it. But I also have to pay my bills, and I don’t know how to do both right now.
I’m trying some new things, like getting noise-cancelling headphones, setting more firm boundaries about when I can and can’t be interrupted, and trying to shift more of my morning chores to later in the day so I have more work time.
The pressures and intensity of this stage feel a lot like the new parent stage all over again, only without the cute baby to cuddle. I still have plenty of sleepless nights, too — watching your child on Life360 is the new baby monitor.
Maybe I just need to give myself the same amount of grace (and coffee) as I did back then.
