This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Darnah and Vic Thompson, a married couple who are both entrepreneurs living in Texas. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
Darnah: My business is Books & Brand, a publishing agency specializing in nonfiction books. I have a background in business management and operations, but after being laid off from my job in the publishing space, I stumbled into starting my agency.
Vic: I’ve been in real estate since 2017. I started off flipping properties in Georgia and South Carolina, and now I run a real estate business, doing single-family residential. I also run a marketing company, as I’m trying to really develop my online brand and social leads.
It’s nice to speak the language of entrepreneurship
Darnah: It was interesting and definitely new for me, getting into a relationship with another entrepreneur. It’s nice to have a mutual understanding of the grit it takes.
It’s nice that when one of us is having a hard day or season, we understand how to lift each other up and don’t let each other quit.
It’s also fun because we have different strengths that we lean into. I’m more creative and visionary, and Vic is more numbers-focused and data-driven. We can see each other’s blind spots and support each other in a way that a lot of people don’t have access to.
We have build-seasons and steady-seasons
Vic: The balance of work and our relationship is an ongoing conversation. If you prioritize your business over your relationship, your relationship will suffer. Being able to call that behavior out and have really good, safe communication allows us to recalibrate.
Darnah: I like to say we have build-seasons and steady-seasons. For example, right now I’m transitioning my service offerings, which means it’s a heavier lift for me, creatively and energetically. My revenue may be a little lower, and that takes upfront communication and full transparency with Vic. If one is building, maybe the other person holds the ground and saves their transition for the next season. Taking turns takes the pressure off the relationship.
We talk about financial projections. We talk about where we’re at in our businesses and just make sure that there’s stability between the two of us.
Jordan Vonderhaar for BI
We plan our business around our lives
Darnah: We can have lunch together on a Tuesday or go for a walk in the middle of the day because we feel like it. We actually have a staycation coming up for our one-year wedding anniversary, and we didn’t have to ask permission from an employer.
We’re also preparing to start a family, and we can plan our businesses around that.
Vic: Entrepreneurship, to me, represents real freedom. For me, that looks like summer mornings on the golf course and quality time with my wife without having to ask anyone’s permission. And as I move into fatherhood, I know that time freedom will be the real win. Being there for all the moments that matter, that’s what I’m building toward.
We have systems in place to respect each other’s work
Darnah: We have to be really intentional to make it work. One thing we do really well is respect each other’s calendars and workflows. Even though I’m in one room and he’s in the next room, we won’t walk in and interrupt each other.
Vic: We knock on all the doors in our houses, including the office door, so we’re not just barging in on each other.
Darnah: If one of us needs help with something or we want to work on something together, we’ll put that time on the calendar.
We protect our personal time
Darnah: Dinner doesn’t become a work meeting, and that boundary has been really important for our relationship.
We also have a weekly meeting. We talk about what’s on our calendars, where our energy is going, and if there’s anything big coming up that the other person needs to know about. We also need to be aware of what the person needs from the other this week.
Vic: Other people ask me how I play so much golf. It’s because the first thing we do when we’re doing the calendar is discuss date nights, church, and other non-negotiables. Our weekly meeting is a safety net for our relationship.
There can be pain points
Darnah: The first year we lived together, we shared an office. He’s in real estate, so he’s on a lot of calls, whereas my work is a lot of deep and creative work. It was really challenging to navigate that, but some positives came out of it because we learned a lot about each other and how we work.
Moving into a larger space and having separate offices improved that situation. Your environment matters as a business owner because it helps you work the way you need to work, and we work very differently.
Vic: I was in a stronger financial position when we got together, meaning I’ve had more financial education, and I had more financial resources. Darnah had a bit of debt, and I could feel tension around it.
I quickly realized it wasn’t good for me to say, “I possess all the financial knowledge and resources, so therefore this is how it’s going to be.” She signed up for third-party financial education and built her own financial foundation.
It was good for us to recognize where we were with financial education and resources, so we could identify any deficiencies. I suggest going to a third party to learn the necessary skills so you can both be empowered, rather than one person trying to be the commander.
Staying connected requires compromise
Darnah: Vic is out of the house quite a bit, whereas I’m at home a lot. When it’s time for a date night, I may want to go out, while Vic may want to stay home. It’s about compromise, and seeing what feels really important to the other person and why.
We like to go on walks after dinner, where we do a high-low-buffalo: we talk about our high and low from the day, and our buffalo, which is the surprise moment. It’s a nice way to reconnect, and it’s an easy win too because it doesn’t take a lot of energy.
Vic: Staying in touch while I’m gone is important. I FaceTime my wife between meetings, we leave each other sticky notes, and if I see something cool out in the field, I’ll take a picture and send it to her.
Our tips for other entrepreneur couples
Darnah: Know what you’re both working toward and why. For us, we’re building businesses that give us the freedom to be present with each other and set us up for the family we’re growing into.
When you have a mutual why, it changes everything because you’re not tolerating each other’s hard seasons or hard days; you’re actually invested in them. Also, stay really transparent about your seasons, where you’re at, and where your business is at, and try not to be free-falling at the same time.
Vic: Don’t try to solve every problem for your partner. When your partner is talking about a business problem, ask them questions and help them answer it themselves. They need a sounding board.
My other tip is to make sure you say hi and bye to your partner every time you leave and get back. You would say hi and bye to your clients, so don’t treat them better than you treat your spouse.
