I’m 30 and have been with my partner for nearly a decade. But instead of living with him, I’ve been staying with my mom and sister for the past four years.
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Before that, he and I lived together in San Francisco. But after four years in the city, we grew tired of spending $2,750 a month on rent, and longed for a lifestyle that would allow us to travel and save money for our future.
To do so, we made the difficult decision to temporarily go long-distance and move in with our respective families — mine in North Carolina and his in Florida.
Four years later, the financial freedom and the opportunity to reconnect with my family as an adult have made this unconventional arrangement worth it.
Living with my family again brought us closer, and I’ve learned lots of new skills
Lily Voss
When I lived in San Francisco, I didn’t get to see my mom and sister often, and sometimes had to miss important holidays and birthdays.
We had also just lost my dad when I moved to the Bay Area, making the distance even tougher.
Now, instead of living on opposite coasts, my sister and I can be there for each other in person. Plus, living with my mom has strengthened our bond, and being able to help her around the house is a small way I can say thank you for everything she did for me growing up.
I work from home, so I’ve become the self-appointed house manager, whether it’s dealing with a broken heater, clogged drains, or organizing the basement while she’s away on 12-hour work days.
A few years ago, I even helped her sell our rural North Carolina home and move to a new place closer to the city. I was along for the entire ride — meeting with the real estate agent, touring houses, and eventually helping with the move.
Neither of us had been through the buy-and-sell process before, and now, I feel more prepared for when my partner and I eventually become homeowners.
The setup isn’t always perfect, but it works for us
Lily Voss
Of course, having my mom and sister as roommates can be challenging at times. We’ve had spirited debates about everything from the placement of a painting on our gallery wall to whether we should get a dog (spoiler alert: we did).
I’ve also struggled with “eldest-daughter syndrome” and find that many of my people-pleasing tendencies — like perfectionism, hyper-independence, and feeling responsible for those around me — are amplified by living at home.
And, of course, being in a long-distance relationship with my partner is hard.
Some days we’re so busy that we barely talk, and even making simple dinner plans means coordinating schedules months in advance and booking flights. Overall, though, we’ve made the situation work and try to communicate often and honestly.
On the bright side, we both have more financial freedom from living at home, so we’re able to travel together frequently and visit each other every month, often for weeks at a time.
Plus, I know the opportunity to live with my family again as an adult is a rare privilege, and I’ll never take the time we’ve had together for granted — especially as my boyfriend and I figure out our next move.
Right now, we’re actively exploring our options and hope to be living together again by the end of the year. In the meantime, I cherish how my family and I have shown up for each other in the good times and the bad.
