This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Christos Garkinos, founder of Covet by Christos. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I learned from a very young age what success meant: it was money in the till after the lunch rush.
My Greek immigrant parents owned a diner in Detroit. Each day, 150 people would flood in for lunch, and my family would fall apart. My mom would be screaming, throwing things at my dad; as a kid, I wondered every day if we would make it through. But two hours later, with the money in the till, we’d all be having fun.
My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was in my 20s. The business failed, and so did his health. I was making good money working for major global companies like Disney and Virgin, but I never felt financially secure. That’s partially because I sent a good portion of my check home to support my parents.
I took a loan to pay for my dad’s hospice medications
My dad died when I was in my mid-20s. While he was in hospice, I was trying to find money to pay for his medication. My parents didn’t have any money, so I took out a small personal loan of about $2,000 to make my dad more comfortable in his last days.
That’s when money became a big fear of mine. I was terrified of ending up like my dad.
At the same time, when I made good money, I felt I didn’t deserve it. I wasn’t comfortable with money, so I would find ways to spend it.
Nikolas Kominis/Photographer
I was doing one thing right, however: I had a 401(k) retirement account, something my parents never had. That gave me peace of mind that I would die penniless, like my dad.
I got my dream job, but I sabotaged myself
I was living in LA, working in fashion, which had been my dream since I’d first heard the “click clack” of high heels as a boy. I had a lot going for me, and eventually landed a reality show that I leveraged into a spot on the Home Shopping Network.
I had been absolutely obsessed with the network since I was 14. When I went to Florida and saw a set with my name on it, I freaked out. A part of me thought, “What can I do to mess this up?” I was still self-sabotaging.
Then, my best friend died of cancer. I had already been running with a fast crowd, but when I walked out of her funeral, I walked out of my life. I left my husband, my business, and myself. I was in a tailspin for three years.
I spent my retirement savings and went about $500,000 into debt
Even in those days, my life looked beautiful from the outside. I was living in a gorgeous house I was renting at the top of Mulholland Drive. And yet, my whole life was put on my American Express card, because I always needed another 30-day buffer.
One day, in that fancy house, I called my mom for Easter — a major holiday for us Greeks. As I talked to her, I was rummaging through the trash, looking for drugs.
Courtesy of Christos Garkinos
I thought, “What am I doing?” That moment started my sobriety. I had to face the fact that I’d racked up about $500,000 in debt — personal loans, credit cards, money borrowed from friends — and spent the 401(k) that had been my safety net for so long.
I’ve paid off my debt and rebuilt my savings
I got sober and knew I needed to address the debt. I turned to what I’d always been good at: selling things. In 2020, I started consigning on Instagram Live. I was making good money again, so for every $1 I put in the bank, I would pay off $2 in debt. I started with the friends who lent me money, then paid off the credit cards and loans. By September 2021, all my debt was paid off.
Now, I’ve rebuilt a lot of my financial security. I have a 401(k) again, and I could retire today if I wanted to. I don’t have to think twice about spending a couple thousand on something I want.
And yet, there’s still part of me that doesn’t feel secure. When I worry, I remind myself of the changes I’ve made. I’m sober. I have a business manager. I know my habits around money. Yet I’m still working hard to build this business and sell it eventually. For me, that will mean next-level financial stability.
