When I graduated from college in New York City, I had big dreams of kicking off my career in television. Instead, I found myself moving back in with my parents in the South Florida suburbs.
I’d graduated amid the historic Writers Guild of America strike that lasted over 100 days and struggled to find a full-time gig in my field.
Heading back home felt like the best option for me while I got my footing financially and figured out my next move.
So, I found a job in Miami and took on a two-hour commute that left me exhausted and with an extensive list of excuses for not socializing with friends. Since I was living at home, I hardly left my comfort zone.
After three years in Florida, I still found myself yearning for the life I’d left behind in NYC. So, I decided to move back — no job and no plan.
Aware of the harsh housing market, I needed an affordable, flexible living arrangement. And just like magic, the perfect solution arose.
A quick phone call led to a new beginning for me
When discussing my move with a family friend, she mentioned she’d pursued her master’s in NYC a few years back. During this time, she lived with a 76-year-old Colombian woman named Carmelina who rented out her spare bedroom in Queens.
I decided to reach out to Carmelina — whose WhatsApp profile picture was a bushel of pink flowers — and the call lasted about four minutes.
She told me her spare room was available for just a few months, and asked only for my move-in date and if I liked arepas — because she knew a guy who made them from scratch.
When I asked how much the monthly rent would be, she told me $700 — a special price for being recommended by my family friend, who she adored.
When I arrived in Queens that August, it hit me that I didn’t even know what my new roommate looked like. I waited on the street outside the building until a petite woman with brown sunglasses and a bouncy blowout called out my name.
Not long after, I sat in Carmelina’s dining room while she heated up the Colombian dish she’d cooked to celebrate my arrival. It felt like a true homecoming, to be received in the city I loved by food from my own culture.
As I ate, she told me she’d been living in the same building for 35 years. She had a number of friends in the neighborhood who’d also been here for decades; a couple of them worked at a barbershop nearby where she spent most of her days.
She wasn’t an employee, but she swept the floors, brought them lunch, and relished their company every day. I was immediately taken by how involved she seemed to be in her community.
I also learned that she often rented out her spare bedroom, and I was the third young woman to stay here. She started after learning that a woman from church was looking for a place to stay, and then continued as she discovered how much she enjoyed the company after being a widow for 10 years.
I never imagined my roommate would have such a profound impact on me
Andrea Fernandez Henao
Within only a few weeks of living together, Carmelina began teaching me valuable lessons about building confidence and fostering community.
When I got an opportunity to work on a small overnight film shoot. I was anxious about saying yes, unsure I was qualified and worried about coming home late and disturbing Carmelina.
After voicing my hesitations, she encouraged me to seize the opportunity because it could lead to more work. She was right, because during that gig, I met people who connected me with other opportunities.
Watching Carmelina, a true social butterfly, also began to push me out of my comfort zone.
Despite growing up as a very outgoing child, I slowly receded into my shell during my college years, second-guessing how every action I made would be perceived.
Meanwhile, Carmelina moved with confidence, and I admired how she took care of her community, which I’d quickly become part of.
She makes lunch for her friends and brings me leftovers when they order in, never lets me buy groceries, and buys me sweets, even though I tell her I’m cutting out sugar.
Seeing how my roommate approaches every relationship has made me more inclined to socialize in spaces I typically wouldn’t. Now, I find myself making small talk in the elevators, sharing jokes with restaurant hosts, and actively inviting in the possibility of connection.
Andrea Fernandez
Witnessing Carmelina maintain lifelong friendships has encouraged me to be more intentional about my own, too.
When I go for walks around the city, I call my friends instead of listening to music. I’ve since reached out to old college friends to reconnect and had dinner with a former roommate.
I’ve learned that connections require time and attention, and I want to know about my friends’ lives, even if I’m not there to witness every moment.
She’s taught me that the pursuit of connection isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s something we should cherish and celebrate.
She’s like the grandmother I always wished I had
Andrea Fernandez Henao
Every morning, Carmelina lays out fruit for me and leaves sticky notes in Spanish letting me know she’s out in the neighborhood and that there’s food in the fridge.
When she cooks for me and tells me I’m a good girl, my eyes well up. I never met my maternal grandmother, and my paternal grandmother died before we could form a bond.
When I would see my friends with their grandmothers, I always felt that void grow deeper inside me. Carmelina has since filled that void.
Although I’ll be leaving Carmelina’s apartment soon to start my new job in Manhattan, I’ll miss her dearly, and we plan to stay in touch.
