When I told my best friend I was quitting my Wall Street legal career to spend a year camping and exploring the American West, she looked at me aghast and said, “You’re joking, right?”
Her response wasn’t surprising. I hadn’t exactly been honest with her, or myself, about how much I longed for a very different life than the one I was living.
At the time, we were 34 years old, and during the prior 16 years of friendship, our lives had run parallel tracks, studying business in college, then pursuing demanding careers in East Coast cities. While we’d seen each other through heartbreaks and upheavals, this was more than that. This was a significant detour, and as she looked at me, her face flush with confusion, I wasn’t sure the detour was something our friendship would survive.
For years, our lives aligned
Erin and I met freshman year in college as scholarship runners on a highly competitive Division I Track Team. While our four years there weren’t exactly conducive to honesty or vulnerability, it bonded us in a deep way.
After graduation, we shifted our attention and drive toward corporate careers, supporting each other in these often-stressful pursuits. With our finances closely aligned, we traveled, dined, and indulged at the spa together. More than that, during those years, Erin became my anchor. She’s the one I called in the middle of the night when the man I thought I was going to marry walked out, and the one who made me laugh harder than anyone else, especially amid life’s disappointments.
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Yet, by our early 30s, we’d only ever let ourselves be so vulnerable with each other. While I often shared my frustrations with the strain of my career, I never talked about alternatives, especially one as drastic as quitting to camp and live out of a used car.
I worried that taking a different path would end our friendship
When I decided to quit and plunge toward a very different life, Erin wasn’t the only person who questioned this choice, but she was the most important. Plus, now living off my savings, I could no longer afford many activities at the center of our friendship.
When Erin came to help pack up my apartment, she continued to express skepticism about my plan to live for a while without a plan. Thinking about the infinity symbol when we said goodbye, I wasn’t sure we’d ever meet back at the center.
To my surprise, she showed up for me in unexpected ways
During the early days of my trip, Erin began asking for updates on how it was going, and I began sharing details. The first night I camped alone, I sent her a photo of my tent overlooking the Colorado River and confessed how scared I was, because despite my plans to spend a year camping, I’d never actually camped by myself before that night. She responded with the same enthusiasm and encouragement that had buoyed me for years.
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These conversations continued over the months that followed. When poor planning on a trail run landed me in a stranger’s car for the night, she was the one I called to recount the tale and laugh over my mistakes. And on her birthday, I sent her a celebratory photograph from a 14,000-foot peak. It wasn’t that she still had questions about what, exactly, I was doing with my life; it was that, at some point, she let go of her hesitations and began trying to understand my motivations.
This culminated with her request to join me for a backpacking trip — something she’d never done. We spent two nights in Arizona’s Superstition Mountains, where my ease in the wilderness clashed with her tentativeness. And though we had fun, when she questioned whether I understood how to read a map as we searched for a water source, I was sure I’d never do something like that with her again.
Of course, I did, many times over, because through the friction, this truth surfaced: We’d always been very different people, and now, we were just living in those differences. The challenge of that, and her willingness to embrace it, brought us closer than ever.
Over the years, as I became more honest about who I was, she, too, became more honest about who she was. A decade later, our lives still look very different, and still, Erin is my anchor.
