Survival for some tech workers could come down to something more than code quality or shipping speed: likability.
There is an increased focus in the industry on pleasing the boss as well as “upper upper management,” said Soubhik Dawn, who has worked in tech for nearly two decades.
Of course, being well-liked is important if you want to get ahead in any career, but it’s become an especially relevant topic in tech as layoffs and AI transform the industry.
“There is a little bit of showmanship that is going on. That’s what I’m hearing from my circle,” said Dawn, founder of Upplai, which uses AI to help job seekers with résumés and cover letters.
Competence still matters, yet at a time when some tech companies are demanding more of workers, being well-liked can be the thing that keeps you in your job.
‘The most important skill’
Being likable is a “more important skill than computer programming, or system design, or algorithms,” said another tech worker who spoke to Business Insider on the condition of anonymity because his employer doesn’t permit staffers to speak to the press.
Getting along well, especially with the higher-ups, has become “the most important skill to survive,” he said.
It’s a lesson that’s taken him a little while to learn, he said. He once tried to take on too many tasks to try to please his boss and skip-level managers. That led to him falling behind. Instead, he said that he should have spent more time cultivating relationships with those in management.
Dawn, from Upplai, said he had seen likability at work take several forms. Over the years, he’s watched as some colleagues seemed to prioritize hanging out with VPs or senior VPs and offered to add a bit of polish to a slide deck or run errands.
Those workers, Dawn said, could then go on to complete some small project and “get recognition like crazy.”
In some cases, becoming likable in the eyes of the boss comes from simply getting a lot done or doing what you say you’ll do — and flagging any issues before they balloon into bigger problems.
“That kind of leads to likability,” Dawn said. “Likability is more like dependability.”
Warmth before competence
In the workplace and elsewhere, we often judge people first on warmth — which includes traits like trustworthiness — and only afterward on competence or skill, said Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist and former professor at Harvard Business School.
In moments of uncertainty, warmth dominates, she told Business Insider. Cuddy has researched perceptions of warmth versus competence in the workplace for more than two decades.
“What people are calling likability right now is actually a proxy for trustworthiness, and trust is historically low,” she said.
Cuddy said that when people feel uncertain, they start to read each other differently. When trust is low, people tend to rely heavily on trust cues as the most effective way to assess someone, she said.
So, while being capable is still important, if your colleagues don’t like you, it can hold you back. Your competence can even become a threat if you’re not trustworthy, Cuddy said.
She said that the desire for trust is why “likability suddenly sounds more important than the technical skill.”
It’s less about whether your colleague wants to have a beer with you after work, Cuddy said. “It’s about feeling safe,” she said.
“Trust is the conduit of influence,” Cuddy said. “You could have a million great ideas, but if you don’t have a medium through which those ideas can travel, it doesn’t matter.”
Likability matters more in some roles
Still, pure likability has its limits, said Tom Chi, who has worked at Google, Microsoft, and Yahoo, and who is a founding partner of At One Ventures, a Silicon Valley VC firm.
That’s because, for many roles, there are “real, quantitative performance metrics” — things like how many lines of code someone has checked in, he said.
“It’s actually relatively straightforward to tell whether you’re adding a lot to the team,” Chi said.
The tech world has plenty of examples of the “brilliant jerk” — that talented colleague who rubs others the wrong way, but gets away with it because of their skills or smarts.
“That’s a deep part of tech culture,” he said.
Where likability might play a more significant role, Chi said, is in roles such as product management or design, which center on coordinating with colleagues, building consensus, or working with customers. In those cases, he said, likability and friendliness tend to matter more, he said. Because amiable traits are ultimately demonstrations of competence.
“That’s what merit looks like in that type of role,” he said.
At the same time, Chi said, workers who focus too much on being likable are at risk.
“If one wanted to prioritize that over developing merit, then I think you’re in for a bad ride,” he said.
That hasn’t deterred the anonymous coder.
“Does everyone like you?” he said. “That’s how you survive in Big Tech right now.”
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