A few years ago, my husband and I turned to gestational surrogacy to grow our family. It could cost tens of thousands of dollars, so we wanted to lower our living expenses while saving for it.
Meanwhile, my mother-in-law, who had lost her husband a few years back, was living alone in a four-bedroom house. “I have all this space and I would love to have you all so close,” she’d said.
So, our small family rented out our apartment and moved in with her.
For me, this was a dream come true. Though many shows and movies portray relationships with mother-in-laws as strained and contentious, we’d always had a strong bond.
My mother-in-law was a wonderful confidant — and roommate
Sarah DiMuro
A mom of two boys, my mother-in-law had long been the only woman in the house. Now, she had a live-in daughter-in-law who loved shopping at Marshalls just as much as she did.
It was even easier for us to stay up late watching true-crime documentaries and episodes of “Dexter.” We’d share meals, too — she’d try to get me to eat mashed potatoes with lots of butter, and I’d encourage her to enjoy quinoa instead of white rice with dinner.
Living together, I found myself planning more activities for us than for me and my husband, leading to a shift where she became more of my confidant than her son.
At times, I found her to be more emotionally supportive, too.
Whenever I returned from an unsuccessful callback for a TV show I really wanted, she was always there to greet me with a Caesar salad and a big hug. It’s hard to compete with that.
However, I had to remind myself of the impact living with a “gal pal” could have on my partner and how our closeness might affect our relationship.
I didn’t want him to feel left out or for our connection to be hurt by our new living situation. Fortunately, my mother-in-law was also very mindful of nurturing our marriage, offering to watch the kids so we could have a date night or take an evening walk through the neighborhood.
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She would even take our oldest on trips for a night or two so my husband and I could spend more time alone.
Living together also gave our family a chance to appreciate her Ukrainian culture
Sarah DiMuro
Before marrying my husband, I knew very little about Ukrainian heritage. However, living with my mother-in-law allowed me to immerse myself and our kids in her traditions.
She always stocked the house with homemade cabbage rolls and borsch. When it was time for our son to start preschool, we enrolled him in a Ukrainian language program in our area. I even downloaded the Duolingo app to get a handle on the language.
I was thrilled that my kids would be exposed to this rich upbringing and gain a true sense of their roots.
When she passed, she left behind a gap that I’m still trying to fill
Life was forever changed when my mother-in-law died in 2020. By then, we’d all lived together for two years — we had our routines and our rhythms, and suddenly everything was disrupted.
I realized how connected we were, and the thought of never sharing coffee on the deck with the best roommate I ever had broke my heart.
Making the choice to move in with her all those years ago has given my family benefits greater than anything we were able to put in a savings account.
We still live in the house we’d all once shared. Though we’ve made some renovations, her pysanky (decorative Ukrainian Easter eggs) are still sitting on the shelf in our living room.
She’s taught me so much, and I still do my best to make sure my kids know her in everything I do — and, tonight, that means we’re making pierogies for dinner.
