This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Julissa Gomez, author of the children’s book, “The Friendship Next Door with Delmar.” It has been edited for length and clarity.
In 2015, my parents and I moved into a house in Los Angeles that was next to an older man who quickly came over to introduce himself as Delmar. He brought us newspaper cutouts of comic strips to welcome us to the neighborhood, saying that if we needed anything, he was right next door.
Although everyone in the neighborhood knew Delmar, we were the first to include him in our family life.
We took him to church on Sundays
Very quickly, we started seeing him every Sunday, taking him to church and going out to lunch with him. My mom and dad always paid.
To add to our Sunday visits, we started inviting Delmar to our house for holidays and our birthdays, since we noticed we didn’t do much on them. Once we found out his birthday, we made sure to celebrate it with him every year.
I had only been 18 when I met Delmar, so most of what I did with him was on the coattails of my parents. They initiated contact with him and paid. They showed me what it was to love your neighbor.
But when my dad died in 2020, this dynamic changed. My boyfriend (now husband) and I took over visiting and caring for Delmar. We still take him to church and celebrate special days together, and we go to the movie theatre, the arcade, and out for food. We check in on him consistently, asking if he needs any groceries or prescriptions filled, or if he wants a ride to his doctor’s appointments.
He rarely asks for anything, so we often repeat to him how happy we are to help.
He became like family
He is always very grateful for how we have taken him, and made him part of our family, because none of Delmar’s family live close by. We have become his family, and he has become ours.
I feel no resentment about taking care of him. On the contrary, loving my neighbor and spreading kindness bring me personal fulfillment and happiness.
There are so many lonely older people, often forgotten by many, who just want a friendly face to see — someone to break up their day with conversation. Someone to feel human with. I love being that person for Delmar and others like him.
Often, as I leave Delmar’s house after dropping in on him for a visit, he’ll tell me that his parrot, Cappy, doesn’t want me to go. I laugh and tell Delmar I know he doesn’t want me to leave. It melts my heart how much he appreciates our friendship. I know he’d be so lonely and vulnerable without us.
We wrote a children’s book
Last year, Delmar and I started posting videos on social media together.
So many people reached out to say how our story inspired them to connect with their neighbors. We realized we wanted to make a bigger impact, especially with children, hoping it would inspire them at a young age to be kind, to respect their neighbors and elders, and just be better overall. In today’s culture, a lot of people don’t even know their neighbors, so we wanted to change that.
So we wrote a children’s book together.
The process of writing it with Delmar was fun — just going down memory lane, talking about how we met and all the moments we’ve shared.
My husband and I still live with my mom, as she is disabled and needs help, and so does Delmar, who is now 87. It’s important to my husband and me to stay close so we can continue caring for both of them, so we are currently looking to buy a house in the same neighborhood.
I’ve told Delmar that if he could no longer live independently, he’d be welcome to live with my husband and me — that we’d help take care of him if he no longer can take care of himself. It’s what family does.
