For most of my career, I relied on pushing through. I built a reputation for delivering under pressure, often pulling things together at the last minute and performing at a high level. That pace came with a cost: long work hours, inconsistent sleep, and a constant sense that I had to stay ahead of everything.
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For a while, it worked. Then, last spring, my body stopped cooperating.
After receiving full payment from a new client — the kind of moment that normally would have felt like relief — I found myself on the bathroom floor, crying and unable to respond to messages or continue working.
I didn’t understand what was happening. It would take the better part of a year to begin to make sense of what my body was trying to tell me.
Before the crash, success did not feel stable
From the outside, my life looked successful.
I had been an entrepreneur for more than a decade, written books, and given a TEDx talk. At my peak, I brought in over $140,000.
But it never felt like enough. No matter how much I earned or accomplished, I lived with a constant sense of pressure — always anticipating the next problem, the next demand, or the next thing that could go wrong.
Looking back, I can see that I built my life around overwork. I was burning the candle at both ends, working at all hours, and ignoring the signals my body was sending me.
What I thought was resilience was often something else: pushing past my limits to meet expectations, both external and internal.
My health and housing became unstable
After that moment on the bathroom floor, things intensified.
I began experiencing severe physical symptoms, including intense pain, recurring headaches, digestive issues, and periods of exhaustion that made it nearly impossible to function. At times, the pain felt serious enough to warrant emergency care.
From the outside, these “episodes” may have looked like mental health issues. But in my body, it was deeply physical.
I did seek medical care, but my tests came back normal, even though my body did not feel normal.
At the time, I was renting a room in a shared home with a warm, multigenerational family. The house was lively and full of activity — beautiful in many ways — but overwhelming for a nervous system already overloaded.
As my symptoms became more visible, they drew more attention than I could manage.
A few days later, I left. Around 8 p.m., I packed a laundry basket of clothes, along with some pillows and blankets, into my SUV and drove away without a clear plan.
Over the following months, my living situation was precarious. I no longer had a home base or even a room to return to. My belongings were spread across multiple storage locations, and my car became a place where I felt some sense of safety.
Through a connection, I was able to rent an Airbnb by the beach for $50 a day for a period of time. I also stayed in hotels, spent time in parks, and slept in my car on some nights.
Because income was secondary to survival, it dropped to less than $12,000 for the year.
How I got through it
When people hear my income dropped that low, they usually ask the same question: How did you survive?
The answer is that I stopped trying to do everything alone.
Throughout my life, I was fiercely independent out of necessity. I was the person who handled problems and made chaos work. Accepting support did not come naturally to me.
That season taught me something different. I had always believed in God, but this was the first time I had to rely on that belief in a real, daily way. I didn’t always know how things would come together, but I learned to trust and surrender in a way I never had before.
I also met someone who became my partner, and our stable relationship became an important source of stability during a time when very little was stable.
Through our relationship, I experienced a felt sense of safety in my body for the first time in my life. It also showed me how unfamiliar it was for my body to receive something good without immediately preparing for loss, pressure, or payback.
What I learned about resilience
Over the following year, as I began paying closer attention to my body instead of overriding it, I started to see a pattern.
What I experienced was not just because of burnout. It was the accumulation of years of operating in a constant state of pressure and hypervigilance. It was a system-wide depletion under chronic stress, trauma adaptation, and sustained circumstantial load.
For most of my life, resilience meant enduring difficult environments and making them work.
What I began to understand instead was the difference between surviving and being in environments — and relationships — where there was genuine safety, resonance, and reciprocity.
I’m rebuilding my life and career in a way my body can actually sustain, and I’m no longer doing it alone. I don’t have a stable home, and I’m still building my career back to where it once was.
From the outside, a year where my income dropped below $12,000 might look like failure.
But for me, it became the year I stopped measuring resilience by how much I could endure — and started defining it by whether my life was something my body could actually sustain.
